The Bitch Battles For Britain! By Michael Knell

Properly Darlings,
According to our Tradition Secretary, Tessa Jowell, the controversial Olympic 2012 logo is right here to remain. She admits it has not been well received, however claims it is adaptable. Adaptable? Adaptable? To what? Has that lady no shame? Pardon the terminology here but there really isn’t any different means of putting it: for all to see the logo is sort of plainly a symbolic image of a woman giving a bloke a blow-job. It’s now always referred to as such by so many individuals to have develop into a worldwide joke. We actually shouldn’t be contemplating utilizing it. Who needs to characterize their nation under some graphics that might be extra at residence as a brand for a porn channel? Get real!
?400,000 spent on a pornographic brand? Scrap it! Demand our a refund! Should we not be capable of get it, it would not matter – when put alongside all the opposite cash this authorities has wasted over ten years it fades into whole insignificance.
I recommend operating a contest in our faculties to come up with a good emblem, and then using that as the premise for a professional one to be made as a substitute. We’ve thrown away ?four hundred,000 – let’s not throw away any little satisfaction we might nonetheless have left as a country after all of the disasters of this government! The logo should not be right here to stay – anybody with a little bit frequent sense can see that – so what level is there in making an attempt to defend it? Is there a motive – one thing we do not know about? I hope not. If Tessa Jowell can’t see that this disgusting monstrosity is thoroughly inappropriate, then maybe she should not be here to stay either!
As we began with a joke, we could as nicely proceed on with another one. Adam Ingram, the Armed Forces Minister, reckons Britain remains dedicated to defending the Falkland Islands. And here I’ll wager: “With what?” was in your thoughts before you learn it!
Twenty-5 years in the past our armed forces did an admirable job in liberating a individuals who wanted to remain British. Nonetheless, it should not be seen as the war to finish all wars over the disputed territory – in Buenos Aires the rumblings are audible as soon as again. Nobody suspects one other invasion, however who knows? We didn’t expect the last one!
Our Mr Ingram insists that Britain nonetheless has the power to repel any invasion of the islands, regardless of our commitments in Iraq and Afghanistan. I suppose then he should be banking on a really sluggish invasion, should it ever occur. I mean, the very last thing I learn said it may take something up to two years to get our fleet (what’s left of it!) out of mothballs and serviceable – and then we have to make all the catapults etc. for the Cubs, Scouts, Brownies and Woman Guides that little doubt we would should call upon to do the job. When not too long ago we could not discover sufficient troopers to man a number of Green Goddess hearth engines, who else could we send? The comparatively small number of aircraft and fewer than 2,000 troopers that were left at RAF Mount Pleasant as a deterrent could do little more than maintain off an invasion till reinforcements had been sent, had been any aggressor to be formidable and decided. However what reinforcements have we at hand to rapidly send there?
Final time – that was 1982 following the invasion – in a war that lasted 74 days it took three British nuclear attack submarines, 20 warships, 8 amphibious ships, and 40 logistics ships from the Royal Fleet Auxiliary and the Service provider Navy along with a pressure of 15,000 males, together with a touchdown pressure of about 7,000 Royal Marines and troopers, to liberate the islands. Together with 34 aircraft, we misplaced some well-known and much beloved ships: HMS Sheffield, HMS Ardent, HMS Antelope, HMS Coventry, SS Atlantic Conveyor, and RFA Sir Galahad. 258 of our people died, and lots of more suffered terrible wounds and disfigurements.
Two of the aircraft important to the marketing campaign have been the old workhorses: the Hercules and the Nimrod. They are (incredibly) still in service and, though they’ve both been updated, only recently we have now heard that the Hercules has develop into very suspect for safety – and apparently we will solely have one Nimrod in the air at instances in Iraq as a result of all the others are being cannibalised to keep it going. Does our Armed Forces Minister know any of this?
Have been our armed forces not subjected to all of the crippling and relentless defence expenditure cuts, we’d certainly have the ability to defend the Falklands without compromising any other commitments we would have – but immediately, I have critical reservations. Many would argue we’re already approach past our safe capabilities, and so they might again up that argument by citing all of the shortages in important gear and supplies we continually hear about. Physique armour shouldn’t need to be shared by our troops. Aircraft shouldn’t have to be cannibalised, solely to nonetheless run on a wing and a prayer. Weapons and gear ought to be “tried and examined reliable” before being issued to our troopers on energetic obligation.
These courageous people that struggle our battles – in reality normally the federal government’s battles! – and who could also be called upon to make the supreme sacrifice should not be left wanting – not ever. Not for his or her gear, and definitely not for their very own hospitals – one other sizzling potato! To hell with the associated fee, I say. What worth are we placing on these young individuals’s lives? We owe them every thing they need to do the job as safely and as effectively as is possible, and it ought to always be there ready for them. The truth that a ship, a tank, a airplane, or several thousand items of physique armour – whatever – have not been needed in earnest for several years should never be an excuse to chop the finances.
The duty of bettering the capabilities of our armed forces, and of updating their gear to the very newest technologically available, must be ongoing. The amount of failures we are now listening to about in a conflict zone (official or not, what else are you able to call Iraq?) on a daily basis – just in battle tanks and reconnaissance autos alone almost 450 failings in the six months up to the end of last October, with a minimum of another eight incidents so severe they might have proved fatal for the personnel – suggests this updating has not been happening.
Our armed forces should all the time be prepared and able to defend this nation and its interests at a moment’s discover. It’s the first job of the government to see it’s so, and I might argue they aren’t doing an excellent job. Struggle by appointment merely does not occur within the twenty-first century! I’m fairly darn positive, “Excuse us, Buenos Aires. May you make it another time? We seem to be a bit slowed down in Afghanistan and Iraq in the meanwhile, however I’m positive we’ll find something we are able to get to work soon and have the ability to oblige you,” would not do us a variety of good were they to believe this was an opportune time to try again.
Of course, Argentina is unlikely to have a go, we’re on quite good phrases with them and all this argument has been purely hypothetical – however for a purpose. No person is aware of exactly where the next lot of hassle would possibly kick-off in the world – and big model too. But when it have been to affect this nation or our interests, would we be prepared for it and capable of cope? I discover I am not assured we could – and I bldy properly must be! To resist reducing our defence expenditure yr on yr does under no circumstances present us as an aggressive nation, it merely reveals that we are prudent and wish to keep our insurance coverage totally paid up. That policy is now very critically in arrears, and we really must be doing one thing about putting that proper.
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See you subsequent week
“The Bitch!” 15/06/07.